Exactly a year ago, on the 8th of July 2017, I was getting ready to walk down the isle (staircase in my case) and marry my best friend. I’m not just saying best friend because it is a romantic cliché…by no means. I stupidly kept this wonderful man in the friend zone since we met in Grade 4. And they say love is blind!
Leading up to the wedding, for some reason, everyone and their best friend’s cousin’s mom, feel the need to indulge you with their words of wisdom on love and marriage. Yes, even the uncle who is now on wife number 5. They mean well, but what bothered me was the negativity and the warnings with which this advice came.
- “Give it 3 months and the honeymoon period will be over my girl…”
- “Remember a marriage is hard work”
- “You’re still so young, you should live your life first”
When did the world become so very cynical about marriage? When did marriage become the death of true love and strong bonds?
Fortunately, being the stubborn person that I am, I wasn’t about to take their word for it and I walked down that isle without a single doubt in my mind that I was making the best decision of my life.
Which brings me to today’s post:
1. You are still the same people
Sounds obvious right? Yeah, I thought so too. But society seems to believes that marriage turns us into dragons and witches. Yes your surname might change, or maybe you now wear a ring for the first time. But you do not all of a sudden fall out of love with each other. Your personality and temperament does not change with your marital status. No person becomes overly controlling or manipulative overnight.
So… if your boyfriend / fiance has always loved you unconditionally and sacrificially, you can rest assured that the wedding won’t change this. In the same breath, if there are trust issues, unhappiness, manipulative or abusive (physically or mentally) behaviour already, marriage certainly will not make it go away. I get very concerned when I hear people say “once we’re married it will be different. It won’t honey, marriage is not a magic wand.
I can honestly say, after the first year of marriage, my husband is still the same amazing human being that I fell in love with years ago (read: he didn’t turn into a dragon).
2. You are now expected to make babies
I switch off when someone starts the “so when are you planning…” question. Don’t get me wrong, if this comes from a close friend or family member that you have always opened up to about this stuff then this question is okay. However, in most cases this I find this line of questioning inappropriate and nosey. Firstly, unless you plan on being a surrogate, quite frankly it is none of your business. Secondly, just because I got married does not mean my life, goals and dreams comes to a standstill just so that you can see “the circle of life”. In case you haven’t noticed, the times where wives had one duty and one role are long gone…keep up!
3. You are not the “perfect” wife (or husband)
I’m not sure that even exists. But you know that picture in your head of what its supposed to be like? Of what you are supposed to do and be as a wife? Its imaginary and idealistic. I am by no means good with food or cleaning. I thrive and work in organised chaos (organised to me, chaos to you). I prioritise work and studies over washing the dishes. I walk into walls and always forget to close the microwave. I am just me and that’s what keeps our marriage interesting.
Tip: Find someone who accepts you and LOVES you for who you are (uncoditionally) – someone who believes in your dreams and allows you to chase them with all you have.
4. Time flies
You already know this. But now you’re married to the person you want to love FOREVER (at least I hope that’s what you feel). But time flies and forever doesn’t exist. You are given a limited period that can be cut short at any moment. Don’t waste it by taking them for granted or quarreling about insignificant nonsense. Learn to communicate (logically and without playing mind games). Communication is one of our strongest points as a couple and it makes all the difference.
5. It’s wonderful
This is why I hate the old comment about marriage being hard work. It’s a lie. Don’t fall for it. And the same goes for a relationship. Look, I’m not saying you won’t have to climb a thousand mountains together but the climb should be an adventure and a beautiful experience. It certainly shouldn’t feel like work. Love comes naturally when its the right person. I knew I had found the one the minute I entered into a relationship that didn’t feel like work. We didn’t have to try, fighting was never an option and being together was easy. That’s what we should be saying. Marriage isn’t hard work, it’s a beautiful adventure of two souls becoming one.
Never let the world convince you that love is dead and happy marriages don’t exist. It absolutely does and love is more alive than ever before.
With love and light,